the firsts...

The firsts…

Our firsts make us feel special and make life so worth it!

We jumped with joy when we got the result that we wanted.

The first crush made us smile & blush even when we were alone.

The first touch of our love sent shivers down the spine and the first kiss made us go head over heels.

The first job interview gave a butterfly stomach and so did the first date.

The first pay-check made us feel proud.

And…

there are times when ‘the seconds’ do the same to us…!!!!

When the firsts happened we thought we’d never feel that way again, but we did!

This magic is unending… the seconds are as beautiful as the firsts.

They don’t make the firsts any less important, but the seconds have proven it time and again that the loss of the firsts wasn’t a loss at all… J

My ‘New Spoilt Circadian Clock.’

Sometimes it ticks; sometimes it seems to have stopped working. For the past few days it has been acting so funny! Just when I am supposed to get going, it’ll prompt me to doze off, and just when I should be dozing, it’ll start alarming… Movies, friends & meetings have become its biggest enemies. It's just out of control!

It kept me up & active for two whole nights in a row and then suddenly last night it wanted me to sleep like a Koala! But I just couldn’t make it. The moment I tried to close my eyes to sleep off, a gust of warm air woke me up. I closed my eyes again, but just then the door squeaked. It was as if each & every object was conspiring to keep me awake. I turned & tossed in bed for hours… Finally, I got out of the bed and went to stand in the balcony for a while.

It was pleasant & windy outside. The moon was the spotlight for whatever I could see from approximately 200 ft above the ground. It was that moment which wanted me to agree with everyone who believe that natural lighting is the best! Each tree looked beautiful; every empty road looked like a river making its way through the urban jungle. It looked like a peaceful civilization. I still couldn’t believe how awake I was! So awake that I could actually notice so many things that I had never ever noticed before.

With this thought in my mind, I decided to try & sleep again. It was hot inside and I just could not sleep for the first few hours, but then after struggling for sometime I finally managed to sleep in the wee hours of the morning…

The next thing I remember was waking up fresh, but also a little worried that I was late for work! I looked at my watch and to my surprise I wasn’t! I’d slept only for two hours. With every passing day & incident, my ‘Spoilt Clock’ was forcing me to believe that I was turning into an insomniac. The thought of becoming one freaked me out! I just couldn’t let that happen to me. I love sleeping. I just love it.

These random timings leave me feeling lethargic & my work-outs exhaust me. Forgetting birthdays & jobs from the to-do list & messing up my daily chores are now a part of my life. I don’t feel like cooking, I feel tired through the day, I can’t concentrate, I’m anxious & grouchy through the day… People have started complaining that I am mostly pre-occupied and that I don’t listen to them.

How could a simple clock affect me so much? Not knowing how to get it back on track, I started thinking of consulting someone. And I finally decided to consult my ‘Previous Circadian Clock.’ Almost eight years ago I had replaced it with the current one. I can’t remember why I took that decision.

Anyways, I managed to find it and believe me it was so good to see it again. It was fresh & happy as ever. We immediately clicked like old days and started talking… We were remembering those days when we used to be together. We would spend most of our time chilling without any worries… We’d play games, spend time with family & friends. There was a fixed time for everything! It made sure that I followed those timelines.

Then finally it was time for me to narrate my problem. I took time to say it, but I did because I had to. I had no other choice. After listening to the whole story, it smiled and said, “All you have to do is to take your Clock to the ‘Holiday Rehabilitation Centre.’ It is there in every part of the world. Go to any of the centers & register it there. They will first ask you to stay there with it for a few weeks and then when it is better, they’ll let you both go back home. I guarantee it will be fine. Worrying so much will only make it worse.”

By the end of the conversation, I had decided to register my clock with one of these centers ASAP. I had to heed this advice. After all it came from my friend from those happy old days... It was now time for me to leave. We hugged and I left with a smile on my face. It’ll be good fun. My ‘New Spoilt Circadian Clock’ will be as good as my old one now…

c0nFu&!ON

Opening up my life’s chapters to people is not who I am.

Sometimes I meet people who behave as if they know me since ever...! They just open their life’s book and start reading the chapters from there as if I was waiting to hear! They can just go on and on about who they are, what they’ve done, who they’re friends with right now, how their work treats them and how much they love or don’t love or like or dislike something or someone and blah blah blah…… Man, they can just go on and on and on…

And that’s exactly the time when my brain stops accepting signals from my ear. Switching off at such times is so easy! The person talking wouldn’t even realize that they’re not even being listened to and while they go on talking, my mind would be holiday-ing in the African jungles or if not that, then I’d be checking out my to-do list in the back of my head.

And to my amazement and advantage, when I return to the conversation they’d still be there where I had stopped paying attention to what they’re saying! This happens to me at most times! Is it because they talk too much and keep repeating the same thing again & again or is it because they talk really slow? I really don’t know because I am not listening to them when they’re talking!

Sometimes I doubt if I’m normal…because it happens to me all the time! And it happens not only when people are talking, but also when I am talking to them. Those are the times when in the middle of a sentence I have to go back to ask myself what was the point was I trying to make or where did I start from? My mind just keeps wandering aimlessly… it hits on to something, by the time it strikes a cord in my head and the signal reaches my tongue, my flirtatious mind has already decided to move on to strike another cord!